Honesty

Lately, I’ve been questioning everything that involves blogging/Insta posts/photoshoots. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for everything that has come my way. But when I started this I had a main goal in mind and that was to keep it creative, artsy, and fashion-y. Before all the fashion stuff my main focus was photography. I never wanted to be considered a model. That was until I got into fashion and I thought “If I am the model, I can convey the exact message I want. I’m in control of EVERYTHING.” This led to me actually being in the photos, which I’m not mad at because like I said I get to say when and how. As you may notice, I’ve been a little absent on here and Insta. I have not only been in a creative rut but I have been trying to get back on the right road after being lost for a bit. 

Side note: there’s nothing wrong with being a model it’s just a personal issue I’m dealing with. Part of the reason for this originates to where I’m from because there is somewhat of a stigma when it comes to modeling. Also, generally speaking, the term “Instagram Model” gets thrown around a lot and most of the time it’s not used positively. I don’t consider myself that, but some might and that scares me a little. 

There’s a good/bad when it comes to social media. The good? When I create, I create for me. It just so happened people actually liked some of the stuff I did, which motivated me to follow through with the things I questioned myself on. It gave me confidence. It also feels really good to know that people out there want to work with you, a nobody. You will get to experience things you never thought you would. You’ll even get to travel sometimes. There will be the genuinely nice people out there, who’ll always comment on your work. You’ll get to work/meet really cool people.

The bad? This is a little ironic, but am I the only one who thinks the Internet is just freakin’ scary? I freak myself out on the daily. You will have to deal with mean people. Luckily, I haven’t had to deal with a whole lot. You will get judged and there’s no stopping that. We all know, whether or not we like to admit it, that the western community is heavily influenced by Native/Indian culture. When I went to Cowboy Christmas in Vegas, each little booth had some sort of Native influence; a shirt with an Indian wearing a headdress, teepees for kids, toy bow and arrows. I get it, cowboys and indians. This is just how I feel personally as a Native/Indian somewhat involved in the western community, but sometimes you’ll see or hear things that you don’t necessarily agree with. It will even make you angry sometimes. With that being said it can often get you in trouble. Then again, we all do not think alike. 

So I bet you’re wondering why I’m sharing this info with you? I want those of you who are interested in this kind of business/ industry to know that there are flaws. With the good comes the bad.

I am not at the point where I can do this full time. Let’s face it, I don’t blog and post as much as I should. I brought this issue up to my sister and she told me, “it’s not about quantity, it’s about quality.” I always think about that when I’m feeling discouraged. 

In reality, the cash flow isn’t consistent. I don’t know if I’ll ever get there and I’m okay with that. There are times when you’ll ask yourself “why didn’t they (business or company) come to me? Is it because of my style, beliefs, photos, etc?” You’ll even get to the point where you’re thinking we have the same amount of following, we’re in the same “industry,” yet they are still getting more opportunities from businesses than I am.

I have been there and through this I’ve come to learn that the best thing you can do is keep to yourself. Don’t worry about anyone else but you. If a big company wants to work with you, then cherish that experience and forget all those who didn’t. Be yourself and make the art that you want to make. It’s so cliche, but do what makes YOU feel happy. 

 If you’ve made it this far then I virtually applaud you, seriously. 

 All the best,

Shondina  

Advertisements